Revelation in the prayer room...

Wow, so its been quite a while since I have updated my blog. I want to assure you it is not because of lack of new knowledge or anything, I have just been so busy. So many teachings, and I am not always faithful to take notes....but it is going into my heart. I definitely cannot go into detail on everything I have been learning but I want to touch on a couple things...

First of all concerning track 2. I am really feeling the Lord leading me to stay for track 2. But before I expound on that any more I want to explain what it took (or the majority of it) for me to come to this place.

Its so ironic, because a couple sundays ago we had a track 2 informational meeting and then they had us tell them “yes, no, or possibly”. I actually said flat out “no.” I had my mind made up, I was not staying. Its not that I had no desire to stay, I had grown to love these people and my home here, I just didn't want to stay. Even as I said it though I could almost feel my stubbornness. For those of you that don't know, I am very stubborn.

Anyways, fast forward to the next day in the prayer room. I was pacing with my Bible, reading Matthew 5. I have read that chapter countless times since I have been here, but this time was different. It was as if the words were arrows hitting my heart. I was totally in another world, quite unaware of those that passed me as I paced. I could only take a verse or two and then would stop. The truths were so deep, and so revealing of my shortcomings. As I progressed through the chapter I was made very aware of how “far from the mark” I really am, and how much I could benefit staying longer. The last verse in chapter 5 was about all I could bear...about being perfect as our heavenly father is perfect. I realized that no matter how pure and true my heart is, I NEED to be pushed. I need to continue to be pushed beyond my comfort level of righteousness...I need the discipline right now to spend hours with the Lord, hours of reading his word and praying. I need those in authority over me bringing new conviction into my life and “provoking” me into greater righteousness. And being constantly surrounded by others in “the same boat” as me and the same passions for Jesus and to live like Him helps more than words could describe. So suddenly I found myself thinking man I really do need to stay here longer, I am NOT ready to go home. It was crazy, and I looked at myself in disbelief...how could this happen? How could things turn upside down in a matter of 24 hours?! I guess thats what happens when the spirit of revelation comes upon you and changes your perspectives.

After lunch (during which I told some of my roommates and my core leader about the things going on in my heart. And they seemed to be in agreement and excitement at the idea of me staying longer) I returned to Sermon on the Mount. I think I read all of chapter 6 and 7...not sure though...anyways. It was AMAZING. Seriously, AMAZING. It was the first time in my life that reading the scriptures felt like an actual conversation with Jesus. I was able to get so involved with the words I was reading, like I was in another world. I was picturing Jesus preaching this sermon to the crowd. Jesus, a human, speaking...not just red words in a Bible that we skim over all to quickly, but Jesus speaking. I would take a verse or two at a time and then stop. I would pray in tongues and thoughts would come up about those verses...questions mostly of “how?” and “what does that look like?” Then I would ask the Lord about them and then read the next verse or two. And it was totally like Jesus was directly answering my questions/thoughts! It was SO awesome and exciting to read on! Like I said before, it was like having a conversation with Jesus. He would speak, I would give my thoughts and questions, and He would respond in perfect wisdom. The brilliance of the order of that sermon truly amazes me now. He knew what we would think and spoke accordingly...and yet it was also very personal to me and my situation. The verse that really seemed to answer my question of what should I do now was Matthew 6:33. It talks about seeking first his Kingdom and His righteousness. I suddenly saw how staying for track 2 fell under that verse perfectly. Being here, I am pursuing His Kingdom (we are constantly learning of the Kingdom of Heaven, and how we are citizens of it, not of earth..and preparing for His kingdom to come to earth as well) and His Righteousness (constantly being convicted, encouraged, and provoked into greater righteousness through the teachings, the people, the atmosphere, the amount of Bible reading I have been doing etc...). It just totally described me being here. It seemed that being here lined up perfectly, like those are basically the main focuses we learn on here. Not healing, not evangelism, or gifts (though all of these have a very important part of our walk with Jesus) but His Kingdom and His righteousness. I found myself realizing that this might really be the best way for me to obey that verse, to stay for track two after all. (comparing it to my other current options...)

That same night I pulled out the track two application I was given at the meeting (everyone was given one), I filled it out right there in the prayerroom, and I was excited to! :) Its really so crazy how much of a change happened in 24 hours...and yet it some ways it was more of getting rid of my stubbornness as well...cause part of me had always thought about staying...even though I denied it as I said “no”.

Since then, I have talked to many about my wrestle of to stay or not to stay and Track 2 really seems like the wise decision. So yeah, basically, I am staying :) Yay! Its so ironic because I was convinced all those stories I heard of people in track 1 set against staying but changed their mind were just “all those people”...not thinking I would really be one of them!

I also want to clarify that my time here is not really about IHOP. I don't feel called to be an IHOP-er or anything, I don't feel that the gifts and passions God has given me are being fulfilled or used here to their utmost...but I know I need this season in my life. It is kind of like a wilderness time. It is all about the heart. Stoping the doing, and focusing on the heart. This time to build my foundation in God, His word, and His Righteousness. And to learn about His ways and of His coming. My time here, beyond all doubt, will affect (and already has) the rest of my life.

I really have to go to bed now, but I will soon right of the latest revelation I got (just today actually!)