I feel like the Lord is trying to explain to me what he is teaching me...what I need to learn in this time. What I need to be able to take away with me when I leave this place – no matter where I go or what I do. Its not so much about endless hours of praying and reading the Bible. As that would basically be impossible anywhere else. And those aspects are, of course, important and necessary as well. But I need to learn how to live with Jesus at the center of everything. That in everything I do, I am trying to glorify God and listen for the Holy Spirit's counsel. So that no matter what fills my day from start to finish, I'll go to bed being closer to God and more in love with Jesus and more in tune with the Holy Spirit. Because being a lover of Jesus makes me successful.
Spontaneous singing was going on as I was writing that journal entry that seemed fitting :)...I'll share some of it:
I will not have my portion in this life
For I know when I awake, I will be satisfied
I will be satisfied
I'll have my full inheritance
No compromise, we wanna be wholly Yours
We want to be found worthy of your Son
I give you my heart
I give you my soul
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
God is a Jealous God
So, I don't remember what day it was, but I was sitting in the prayer-room journaling and thinking and this revelation hit me. Literally, its the only way I can describe it. I will kind of paraphrase what I wrote in my journal:
I was journaling about my frustrations in this complicated time as far as my relationship with Jordan goes. I was pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him what I should do. Even as I wrote that question I felt I knew the answer. “Press into God. Remember He is my everything. Pursue him whole-heartedly, just for you and Him. Not for the sake of Jordan, not for the sake of confirmation. But because you love Him. Because you want to know him. You can pray for Jordan and wisdom in all of this. But try to leave it at that. Don't worry! Don't try to figure it all out, even if it seems Jordan has or wants you to. Just focus on God now and worry about that later. Lord, I surrender. I desire to run after you wholeheartedly. Teach me your ways and what you have for me.”
It (the revelation you could call it :) ) just really hit me suddenly...that I had wrong motives and expectations for my time here. It was like I had been thinking if I spend all this time here in God's presence and in prayer than he will have to give me answers! And some of that is okay and true but it was too important for me...it was like the Lord was gently rebuking me, showing me what was in my own heart. His perfect holy Light does seem to reveal even the hidden darkness in our own hearts doesn't it? He wants me to be here to spend time with him because I love him. Period. No other motives.
After thinking on that and confessing to the Lord, I wrote: “Forgive me for almost trying to use You. I'm sorry God.”
Some days later I was reading in the awesome book “The rewards of Fasting” by Mike Bickle & Dana Candler. I wanted to share an excerpt from that book that relates well with part of my revelation:
“Fourth, Jesus the Bridegroom is zealous. Love is not passive and the God of affection is an all-consuming fire (Deut. 4:24) His jealousy for us is as demanding as the grave, a most powerful flame, the very flame of God (Song. 8:6,7). With fierce zeal He consumes all that hinders love in us, everything that gets in the way. He will not have only a portion of our hearts and He will continue to jealously pursue every aspect of our lives until we are fully His.”
I am beginning to grasp what it means for God to be a jealous God. I'd heard it before many times but I feel like I am finally getting insight into what this means. I guess thats what revelations do to you, suddenly the Lord gives you insight into His word, your own heart and His heart in a way you never had. He really is jealous for my affections, my love, my time, my heart. And he will do whatever it takes to captivate me. He makes no room for other lovers! And I definitely wouldn't put it past him to do things I might deem unfair just to get my attention and draw me close to Him. (staying for Track 2 was one of them! :) ).
I was journaling about my frustrations in this complicated time as far as my relationship with Jordan goes. I was pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him what I should do. Even as I wrote that question I felt I knew the answer. “Press into God. Remember He is my everything. Pursue him whole-heartedly, just for you and Him. Not for the sake of Jordan, not for the sake of confirmation. But because you love Him. Because you want to know him. You can pray for Jordan and wisdom in all of this. But try to leave it at that. Don't worry! Don't try to figure it all out, even if it seems Jordan has or wants you to. Just focus on God now and worry about that later. Lord, I surrender. I desire to run after you wholeheartedly. Teach me your ways and what you have for me.”
It (the revelation you could call it :) ) just really hit me suddenly...that I had wrong motives and expectations for my time here. It was like I had been thinking if I spend all this time here in God's presence and in prayer than he will have to give me answers! And some of that is okay and true but it was too important for me...it was like the Lord was gently rebuking me, showing me what was in my own heart. His perfect holy Light does seem to reveal even the hidden darkness in our own hearts doesn't it? He wants me to be here to spend time with him because I love him. Period. No other motives.
After thinking on that and confessing to the Lord, I wrote: “Forgive me for almost trying to use You. I'm sorry God.”
Some days later I was reading in the awesome book “The rewards of Fasting” by Mike Bickle & Dana Candler. I wanted to share an excerpt from that book that relates well with part of my revelation:
“Fourth, Jesus the Bridegroom is zealous. Love is not passive and the God of affection is an all-consuming fire (Deut. 4:24) His jealousy for us is as demanding as the grave, a most powerful flame, the very flame of God (Song. 8:6,7). With fierce zeal He consumes all that hinders love in us, everything that gets in the way. He will not have only a portion of our hearts and He will continue to jealously pursue every aspect of our lives until we are fully His.”
I am beginning to grasp what it means for God to be a jealous God. I'd heard it before many times but I feel like I am finally getting insight into what this means. I guess thats what revelations do to you, suddenly the Lord gives you insight into His word, your own heart and His heart in a way you never had. He really is jealous for my affections, my love, my time, my heart. And he will do whatever it takes to captivate me. He makes no room for other lovers! And I definitely wouldn't put it past him to do things I might deem unfair just to get my attention and draw me close to Him. (staying for Track 2 was one of them! :) ).
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