God is a Jealous God

So, I don't remember what day it was, but I was sitting in the prayer-room journaling and thinking and this revelation hit me. Literally, its the only way I can describe it. I will kind of paraphrase what I wrote in my journal:
I was journaling about my frustrations in this complicated time as far as my relationship with Jordan goes. I was pouring my heart out to the Lord and asking Him what I should do. Even as I wrote that question I felt I knew the answer. “Press into God. Remember He is my everything. Pursue him whole-heartedly, just for you and Him. Not for the sake of Jordan, not for the sake of confirmation. But because you love Him. Because you want to know him. You can pray for Jordan and wisdom in all of this. But try to leave it at that. Don't worry! Don't try to figure it all out, even if it seems Jordan has or wants you to. Just focus on God now and worry about that later. Lord, I surrender. I desire to run after you wholeheartedly. Teach me your ways and what you have for me.”
It (the revelation you could call it :) ) just really hit me suddenly...that I had wrong motives and expectations for my time here. It was like I had been thinking if I spend all this time here in God's presence and in prayer than he will have to give me answers! And some of that is okay and true but it was too important for me...it was like the Lord was gently rebuking me, showing me what was in my own heart. His perfect holy Light does seem to reveal even the hidden darkness in our own hearts doesn't it? He wants me to be here to spend time with him because I love him. Period. No other motives.
After thinking on that and confessing to the Lord, I wrote: “Forgive me for almost trying to use You. I'm sorry God.”

Some days later I was reading in the awesome book “The rewards of Fasting” by Mike Bickle & Dana Candler. I wanted to share an excerpt from that book that relates well with part of my revelation:
“Fourth, Jesus the Bridegroom is zealous. Love is not passive and the God of affection is an all-consuming fire (Deut. 4:24) His jealousy for us is as demanding as the grave, a most powerful flame, the very flame of God (Song. 8:6,7). With fierce zeal He consumes all that hinders love in us, everything that gets in the way. He will not have only a portion of our hearts and He will continue to jealously pursue every aspect of our lives until we are fully His.”

I am beginning to grasp what it means for God to be a jealous God. I'd heard it before many times but I feel like I am finally getting insight into what this means. I guess thats what revelations do to you, suddenly the Lord gives you insight into His word, your own heart and His heart in a way you never had. He really is jealous for my affections, my love, my time, my heart. And he will do whatever it takes to captivate me. He makes no room for other lovers! And I definitely wouldn't put it past him to do things I might deem unfair just to get my attention and draw me close to Him. (staying for Track 2 was one of them! :) ).