Some deeper, personal thoughts from my journal...

The majority of my blogging has been talking about the teachings and classes, but I wanted to share some deeper things...Here are some prayers/songs that I have in my journal from the past couple of days...

I have really been feeling the Lord has a higher destiny for my life than I had previously been imagining. I am not sure what it all looks like right now, but I just know there is more than I thought. Much higher than going to college and just becoming a nutritionist for the rest of my life. More than getting married and having a family. Even if it is just for a season, I know I want to do more with my life. I feel such a longing and desire to be involved in “ministry,” a discipling ministry that involves a lot of intercession and counseling. I feel such a desire to make a difference for Christ – to the lost but also to the saved. I would love to be involved in something where there is community living with fellow believers, edification and discipling fellow believers, and reaching out to the Lost together...my mind has run wild with the ideas of what that could look like. Lord, because I trust you, I place everything at your throne. Father, my destiny with you, the plan you have for me comes first in my life. All my dreams, plans, passions, desires, and relationship with Jordan come after that. In these three months I hope and pray that I discover more of the calling you have placed on my life. I can only trust that the changes that will occur in my heart, and have started already, will mesh with those that occur in Jordan's...but what if they don't...I place that in your all knowing perfect hands, Jesus. Right now, my focus and worry so to speak is on myself and what you are calling me to do...and Lord willing it will line up with what you are calling Jordan to. Father, teach me your ways, show me your perfectly designed path. I love your ways Lord, you are an awesome God! My deepest desire is to respond in complete obedience to the callings on my life, whatever and wherever they may be.

Prayer-reading the Song of Solomon 1:2
Oh Father, I'm begging you
Kiss me with the kisses of your love
the kisses of your word
kisses of your goodness
kisses of your holiness
kisses of your gentleness
kisses of your patience

For your love oh God is better than wine. It is better than the pleasures of this world. Better than Jordan's love. Better than acceptance and self-confidence. Your love, oh God, is better than everything.

Thank you for your love father. Thank you for how passionately you love me, speak to me, and care for me. Make your love known to the depths of who I am. The depths of my heart. Give me more insight and revelation on how you love me.


Meditating on Matthew 5:1-6...
Father open your mouth and begin to teach me. How can I be hungry and thirsty for righteousness? Hunger demands attention, even if completely unintentional. Hunger drives you to the source of fullfillment. To ache for the Lord and more of His presence, more of his word, more likeness of Him. To live as though you will quickly die, physically, without the food of the Lord. Priority is very high because it is essential for life to continue. Without it, death will result...

Lord help me to be driven by my hunger for you. Not to satisfy it in other ways or to ignore the “spiritual growls of my stomach.” Give me more hunger. Increase my appetite for your word, your ways, and the person of Jesus. Give me more revelation of what it means to HUNGER and THIRST for righteousness.

I kinda wrote a song using that scripture...
FATHER, TEACH ME YOUR WAYS
OPEN YOUR MOUTH, FOR I AM LISTENING
TEACH ME YOUR WAYS
TO BE POOR IN SPIRIT, KNOWING HOW TO MOURN
TEACH ME GENTLENESS, LIKE JESUS
MAKE ME HUNGRY FOR YOU, FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS

Another song I wrote...

I will be patient
In the quiet place
to hear your voice
your tender voice

In the stillness
I will be still
to hear you
hear your voice, speak to me

I wait for you
when I don't feel near
in silence I will wait
to hear from you

I will wait (2x)